is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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