I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
