used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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