look no pants
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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