maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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