can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
if only i could text you this smell
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
