I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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