dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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