yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
