the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
vagina is talking i cant
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
