So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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