Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
