no. you can't hotbox the world.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
