I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
as a side note pls kill me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
