I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
