I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
