If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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