i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
