either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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