I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize