in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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