Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
