I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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