You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
