apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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