I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
