I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
