I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
