The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
