have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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