I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
