I am in a vortex of obligation.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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