How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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