ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
