i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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