im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
my poor anus
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize