just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
