Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
