I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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