did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
