is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
