I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
