She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
