my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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