Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
