so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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