What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
