i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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