i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
