God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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