Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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