yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
