Nicole vs. Life
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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