I am puke
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My dick has a subreddit
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
