Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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