If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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