Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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