Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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