passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
