Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
