We're facebook friends in real life
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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