I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
my poor anus
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize