yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
