your room smells of hookers.
And success
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
