..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
