I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
