Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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