Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Two words: nipple clamps
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