you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
