and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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