Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
