I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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