I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
