There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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