She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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