Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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