Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
