Me too!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
