ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
