it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
