She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
