oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
