bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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