He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
