Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
