Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
