Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
