You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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