the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
