just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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