the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
