My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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