We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize